You sir, are a douchebag.

Distilling the sometimes wondrous cavalcade of footnotes that most people become in the industry has proven far more difficult than I thought. The endless parade of asskissers, charlatans, and poseurs provide plenty of material, but I’ll start with this one suit I met at last year’s ARIA Awards (the Australian Grammy awards, which in itself, is a whole other ball of wax).

For the most part, my ARIA experience was a fairly amazing one- I for one would have never expected myself to attend such events anytime soon and I was extremely grateful for the opportunity to hobnob with celebrities, fake a red carpet appearance, and generally pretend for a day to be self-important. Anyway, back to the douchebag, I was pre-drinking before the official ceremony began with a few of our artists and a manager who for whatever reason, knows a lot of people in “the biz.” Through him I was introduced to this giant monkey in a suit, someone that absolutely reeked of complete utter toolishness. His $5000 suit looked like a $5 suit and his obnoxious attitude absolutely stunk every time he opened his mouth… you know, just incase everyone he talked to forgot every few seconds that he was a big shot at [MAJOR LABEL]. Other than the giant planet-sized egos waiting to be ushered in to the ceremony, I couldn’t possibly think of anyone I would want to hang out least than this guy. Seriously man, maybe you should get “I’m the shit at [MAJOR LABEL]” tattooed on your shiny bald head…

…and really, it was the way he said it too. That really got to me. If you’re wondering why the major label game sucks so much and why the mainstream music industry is such a giant turd, it’s because of this guy.