In response to the debacle that has become LeBron James’ forever tarnished legacy, I could not help but think of the very best break-up songs I’ve encountered. The choices are great and many, and not including the more accepted mainstream offerings (please, no Guns N’ Roses, no Bob Marley, no Fleetwood Mac, and for the love of all that is good and pure, no Billy Ray fucking Cyrus), some of them are just down right venomous— the way they’re meant to be.
Sure enough, LeBron received his own break up “song” of sorts; a somewhat hilarious (and perhaps, written in a drunken rage) letter from Cavaliers majority owner Dan Gilbert. In it’s horrendously fonted text, Gilbert calls James, among other things, “cowardly” and a “betrayer” … I like this sort of ranting.
Nonetheless, in song form, I tend to gravitate towards Alkaline Trio’s spitefully crafted wordplay when it comes to songs of woe. They’re great at it, and I immediately thought of the song “Radio”, which includes one of my favorite refrains of hatred;
“I’ve got a big fat fuckin’ bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven’t heard I’m sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall.”
Unfortunately, they never did do a video for it (you can listen to it streaming here), so in place of such fine songwriting, we’ll go with the second best song of hate and regret they’re written; “Stupid Kid.” It’s simple enough, but combined with the video, is a swift song of revenge that hits the mark in just the right places. I hope for your sake LeBron, karma isn’t as big of a bitch.